he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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