Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
