Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
