I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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