rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
