literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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