I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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