And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
