Cold hands, warm shart.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
