im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
