I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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