she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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