I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
