I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
