her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
