When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
