She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
