Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I came so hard my ears popped.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
