Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
