So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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