you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
