i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
