is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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