i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My feet surprised me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
