corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
