All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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