The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
