After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
