Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
