So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
