the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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