I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
