Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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