I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think a kid would responsible me up
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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