look no pants
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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