On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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