It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
