I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
