Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
