It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
