It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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