My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
