All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
