I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
