Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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