i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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