I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
