Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
