Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
