This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
