do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
