I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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