i don't like sucking hair
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
